Paul Deaton Therapeutic Counsellor

James Hillman ‘The way through the world is more difficult to find than the way beyond it.’

Navigating the journey of life often isn’t straightforward; the passage and path to becoming our true selves, able to live and act freely, can sometimes feel painfully, ridiculously hard. I have learned that the best living arises when we have the courage to be open to our own selves and learn from our own natures. Shakespeare says, ‘to thine own self be true,’ which is certainly more easily said than done and requires a high degree of bravery and, more often than not, support. The trick is unlocking our human potential, so it is working for us and not against us. We can think we are doing the right things yet remain dissatisfied, unhappy, fearful and stuck. We might have tried to solve our own problems, and indeed assume we should be able to, without help, putting pressure on ourselves, and thinking perhaps in reaching out we’re failing, and yet, either way, getting no nearer to any solutions and stumbling on as before. We might have got to a place, so embedded, where we doubt change is possible at all, and are in a certain sense living in a given-up way, thinking how things are will go on forever. It really doesn’t have to.

Sometimes we need help in our journeys to find out and discover who we really are; we need a different perspective from friends and family, someone who is impartial, someone who can let us breathe, who won’t react to what we say, won’t talk over us, and offer what ‘they think’ responses. Someone who can offer us a ‘confidential space’ that we can use with confidence; in busy daily lives this often feels lacking.

The Therapy

I offer humanistic, psychodynamic based relational integrative therapy; informed by Gestalt practice, and an existential outlook that aims at self-responsibility, at times I embrace aspects of cognitive, motivational therapy working both in the short term, identifying specific difficulties or the longer term, which offers the chance, with support, to make real changes and address problems and challenges that might have always have held one back.

Counselling therapy can offer this space to re-evaluate what is happening, what one wants, who one is and is a chance to talk about things that perhaps no one else has properly listened to. Conversations we keep to ourselves often mean unlived parts of ourselves staying buried and unrealised. Talking to someone experienced can make a real difference when we may have become stuck, directionless, depressed or caught in negative relationships or situations that seem beyond our control. It can help us understand where we are and what we really feel, but more importantly can help us work out where we need to go. Someone impartial can offer this exploration, change and permission to ultimately be ourselves.

What does this mean? Initially, it means creating a safe setting where you can begin to explore your own experiences, look at your life and open out inner thoughts, and life narratives and to examine what you feel and what you trust, and perhaps not be so isolated with it all. Daily life is more often a compromise that doesn’t give the space or time to look at our deepest feelings and therefore change for the better is often, painfully, on hold.