Therapy and help for Relationship Breakup, Separation & Divorce
When an intimate relationship comes to an end – whether that’s breaking up, separating or in the case of a marriage, divorcing – the pain, upset and emotional turbulence that you feel can be almost unbearable.
The fallout is very similar to a bereavement, and of course divorce, separation or a breakup is, in fact, the death of a relationship. Your whole existence as you have known it is changing: your home life, your relationship with family and friends, your financial situation not to mention having to accept the changes you see in yourself.
What many people say they feel when their relationship breaks up is that it’s like a tidal wave hitting them full on and overwhelming them. It is not uncommon to simply ‘freeze’ and be unable to make any decisions or move forward with all the things that need to be done or sorted out. The reality is that you may well go into a period of grieving or mourning for what has ended or been lost:
- Anger after the breakup: why did this happen, what have I done to deserve this, why couldn’t we make it work?
- Remorse or regret when your relationship ends: if only I had tried harder, if we had been able to have a baby, if I hadn’t behaved so selfishly, if I’d put homelife before work or career.
- Relief: thank goodness it is all finally over
- Stress and overwhelm after the separation: where do I start, how will I cope, I don’t know how to manage? Where will I live? How do we split the money? The house?
- Feeling frozen as the divorce process gets underway: this is similar to feeling overwhelmed but perhaps also not feeling anything due to the shock and trauma of what has happened.
- Depression and low self-esteem in the face of rejection: when you are left by someone, when you are told I don’t want you, love you, need you anymore then it is difficult to keep your confidence and sense of worth going.
Finding a positive way forward
Counselling or therapy give you time, space and tools to help you come to terms with the causes and the effects of the situation, and how you can move forward with your life. Talking to a professional can help you ‘see the wood for the trees’ and help you manage some of the major decision making you are faced with. You may even discover new strength and resilience and learn to appreciate your life in a different way once you have processed all the feelings and thoughts that the situation has raised. A skilled therapist or counsellor can really help you get your life back on track and give your back your hope.